the guy in front of me just bought a pound of bacon, a bouquet, and a case of budlight, i want to see THAT makeup sex
im pretty sure every drug dealer is going to be able to retire the day after alice in wonderland comes out
One of my preschool students told me today that it's not pollution that makes the water in lakes unclean. It's the hobos. I was absolutely speechless. And just so proud.
No fucking idea. Just paid for my chipotle in chocolate coins, though. Either there is a huge language barrier happening here, or my big boobs are finally paying off.
something had to give and with her weight the coffee table never stood a chance
did you find a tooth?
did you lose one?
I just wrote "where Jason is" on the screen. He guessed "hospital" correctly.
Part of me was thinking I should go old school and get a chasity belt before the semester starts. Really lock that shit down. But then I thought, fuck that. I'm going to hit that campus like an f5 whorenado
By the end of the first quarter he was so hammered he was pouring beer into the crockpot with the miniature hot dogs and BBQ sauce saying he loved the supper bowl and he loves taking mini weinies to the face
Is this the guy that did shots off my ass at the beach? Haha
So the guy I hooked up with during welcome week just tried to booty call me from across the lecture hall at 9am. I don't think he gets how this works...
He? As in you personified your dick?
His family, without saying anything, started a game of quarters the moment the drinks arrived. I love them. If only I didn't hate him so much.
So I forgot to ask, how was that bartender you slept with two weeks ago?
Google chlamydia.
His mom just pulled off a quadruple cockblock. I'm not sure if I'm mad or impressed?
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