Asian chick on skype stripping for me. Hold on give few min
Had to use the product locator on on the four loko website to find them at home. Got to go in the backroom of a grocery store to get them. Dedication.
on toilet. in drag. drinking coffee vodka. I regret nothing.
Housekeeping called in a homicide detective. Just spent an hour explaining that we had vigorous hotel vacation sex five times, even though I was having a heavy flow day. It'll definitely be what you call a memorable honeymoon.
he prob just wants to be friends and here i am photoshopping our kids
He made me a period mix..should I back out now?
you covered his dog in toothpaste. safe to say hes not gonna call you.
When boys buy condoms it makes me feel proud of their mothers for doing a good job
I hope my shame shaped pee stain outside your door goes away soon.
Is "incoherent" a legit goal to strive for tonight? Or should I stay sober enough to fuck who I can?
I can't straight up say the only reason I smoked a couple bowls with you was for your three legged cat
I'd go lesbian for $50 and a good phone case.
Best thing she said after I kicked her out "rugby guys have single handedly ruined my faith in men"
He's UNCIRCUMCISED. And it curves. Two things I've never encountered in all my sluttiness and they're both on the hottest guy alive. :(
He showed up with a hearse full of beer and is currently shooting pumpkins with a flare gun. Who gives a shit if he's a furry. We need to party with him more often.
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