Im starting to realize why people dont masturbate while driving
wait a second. did i just remember you the other night referring to your tits as tia and tamara.....
Did you ask last night's taxi driver about his penis hygiene?
when we got back we had sex. but it wasnt til the morning that i figured out her leg was broken
thanks for leaving the note with the doctor's recommendations for my lip, they are dissolvable stitches right?
I don't know what I should tell you tell you. I don't want to encourage you to dye my dog.
i didnt think "maybe you should take over" was a good thing to say when i couldnt get it up
I'm on my "fiiiiirrrst" glass of wine- the quotes mean it's the last of the bottle- so I really need you to pick up your phone so we can talk about this
Some guy dressed like Santa just handed me a bottle of tequila. I NEVER WANT TO LEAVE CANCUN
figured after she passed out and i threw up in her bed, morning sex would be pushing it.
Boys that pee in my bed don't get happy birthday wallposts on facebook
I hate that we are older than the real world people now
I just woke up naked next to a GetGo sandwich and I can hear my cats are eating my combos. So that's my life.
He's like a father figure to me, except we have casual drunk sex every now and then
So I couldn't find Leif..... He fell asleep in our closet upstairs trying to get changed into warmer clothes
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