Who knew there were guys that wanted to only stalk you instead of date you? Count on me to find them!
you know your drunk when 7 soccer players cant catch up to a tranny in high heels who just stole your wallet
im too high. i could barely wash my hair, let alone handle a whole shower
Thats how high i was. The fact that he looked like Seth Rogan was apparently a good thing.
you rubbed the head of my dick and said "I shall call you Squishy and you shall be mine and you shall be my Squishy."
keep an eye on me. i'm afraid that after a few more drinks i'll ask to borrow his wheelchair.
Come, dress lightly, bring tequila...
I went commando last night, then accidentally flashed a police van...They acknowledged it.
Oh god iv'e slept with this police officer before oh god oh god
These muscle relaxers obviously don't work because I'm harder than a fucking diamond.
Can't really tell your Mom you are moody due to dick deprivation.
ok but bondage is pretty much my easy mode
These snow days are takeing a toll on my liver
Forget about letting a 70-year-old man suck on my tits for coke... telling my new boyfriend about it was the poor life choice.
I knew she was the one when we had sex to the halo soundtrack.
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