Being alone has allowed me to flourish into a complete weirdo
Ps there is totally a drug addled prostitute in olympic pizza asking for change for a 100 bill
Do you how many people I've successfully loaded into a Mazda Miata? Six. Six people. How? Strategically.
On the bright side since it was a Tuesday you weren't even in jail for the long! that could've been worse!
I was batman and I saved her. Then we had sex on a rooftop.
My first sex dream, I blew myself. Yours definitely wins.
I'll have you know that I'm still picking duct tape residue off my wrist from sunday
Monday morning margarita madness at ny house. Yes before wheel of fortune. Yes day drinking.
I will be there. invited or not. I go where the pancakes go.
he wouldnt let me in bed until i took off all the stickers i was covered in
You just want to live out all your fuck fantasies with all these girls through me. I know your game. Well played sir.
Agree to hang out with him and then take a gigantic shit right on him. Or if youve forgiven him for being a fucker maybe make out with him.
It would be weird sobbing cry sex.
I just had a random tinder dude give me a ride home from school because my car is dead. Tinder rules! It's like Uber, but with boys who want to impress you.
That’s talent right there. Maverick and Goose type shit.
fuck school, let's just become the worst strippers ever
Randomize