i kno its fucked up..but id rather sleep it off than seek medical attention right now
Haha, just learned changing others iPhone passcodes is fun while drunk but not fun the next morning.
our health teacher's ringtone is Bad Romance and she has a tramp stamp. i will not skip this class, ever.
I hope, cuz I was gunna get "celebritory drunk" but now I have to get "I'm disappointed drunk"
Even when you're not here I still manage to get pad thai in my vagina
whatever buzz i had immediately ended when i saw her run through a sliding glass door
I HAVE A PIGEON IN MY JACKET.
Lying on this bed is like lying on love and marshmallows and joy
Yeah, if you don't like strip clubs you won't like microwave chimichangas.
Totally just railed SuperGirl for my birthday. Best Girlfriend EVER!
I'm too old for chlamydia. That's for 20 year olds who go to clubs and do drugs I've never heard of.
I know how vodka works Grace. I'm drunk, not stupid.
The more I think about it, the more convinced I am that I'm the solution to all of T-Swift's guy problems.
Stop letting me drink while doing my makeup. I think I used sharpie for eyeliner.
Who’s got two thumbs and just got laid in the administration building?
Randomize
