She was lying the whole time!
She was a great actress
I was a great dumbass
worms taste like bacon by the way.
I always wondered what they tasted like.
Looks like I will be paying for the roofie I slipped myself in 9 months.
just leaving uw hospital. they thought i had franzia-induced appendicitis. whaaaaat
Of dear god, I've been waiting to have rug burn like this since I got bored of my vibrator 2 months ago
Who the fuck superglued glowsticks to my arm.
Sometimes I feel like I should become a beautician purely for my ability to shave pretty shapes into my pubic hair.
He just snapchatted me a picture of his cock. The angle makes it look like a freakin skyscraper. Thinking of photoshopping a little monkey on it.
You need to stop thinking about the needs of your vagina and concentrate on the greater good
That BJ in the bathroom was definitely worth the $20 cover.
last thing I remember is yelling 'sit on my face' through a traffic cone
I was masterbating to some porn on my phone and my mom decides to text me "are you okay?" I mean i was doing great until you cock blocked me mom..
It involves me, my best friend, and a stripper and her mother.
Question: anytime during the past week did I drunk dial you and give you full permission to grab my boobs? Cus I know I said it I just don't remember who I said it to...
I just made the same noise looking at my salami sandwich as I do hooking up with you.
Randomize
