If I'm having a dream where I'm having sex and I can actually feel it between my legs because I've had a lot of it recently, does that make me a whore?
I have a feeling this is a serious question. Problem solve, Jess.. I'm going to let you figure that one out on your own
I'm not really that drunk, but I think vampires should glow in the dark because otherwise it's just unfair
Found more tequila
so i am drinking whiskey and watching home alone 2 by myself. it turns out moving to a foreign country isn't all that different after all.
Apparently 151 is to me what spinach is to popeye.
and that's how I found out my dad doesn't believe in towels... holiday magic.
so i just calculated it and i would need to score 150% on this final to pass
He scored a 8.5/10 on that girls powerpoint. Of course I slept with him
It reminded me of the time my mother gave my Bailey's in my stocking when I was 14.
I just learned a new drink. Sloppy Ninja. Half Saki Half Nyquil
I drank butter last night, who am I to judge?
Just don't let me get too drunk. At one point I pulled out my dick and pissed at that party. Like on the wall.
So last night, I bought mother's day cards and the Plan B pill.
I still judge her for aggressively trying to get coke from my date but pretty cool that she's a black belt
My new favorite word is dickbag. I think its relevant here. And I say that with all the love in the world.
I always knew I would be boring and die in an Uber.
Randomize