Sry I called you an 8
Everything went well, until I walked into his bedroom and there was a Ronald Reagan poster watching over his bed - creepy
If a guy called my cleavage "mesmerizing" but is kinda related to me, does it still count?
Just realized our kids will one day call us old because we were around when texting came about. I'm sad.
why do our vaginas work when we are blacked out?? it's just not fair.
No one goes out in public like that, unless they do anal
my ex just saw me in his brothers bed. fuck yes revenge feels good
She accidentally pre-ordered us Dominos for the next day at 11:30am... we were very confused when we woke up.
i have wind burn on my face from my head hanging out the window of the cab vomitting
just got in my apt...and theres jungle juice here i left from over a month ago..this could be interesting...or deadly
I'm driving up the street and can't tell if my ears are actually about to pop or not.
A solid 8.5 on the baked meter, I need to stop.
I'm about to have a threesome at the hotel where I had my quinceañera. Becoming a woman under this roof for the second time, whaaat
Lmao a dude who just got out of prison said im worth 10 cigarettes in prison...I think that's a compliment
Great, now I'm picturing myself as a fucking garden gnome
death, taxes, and me drunk texting you are 3 certainties in life
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