why do they call them blowjobs? ....unless i'm doing it wrong?
there should be a rule- if you jizz on it, you wash it
your ex dropped by. you can call me dwight howard, cuz im the king of rebounds
Fat lady wearing Shape Up's. I would feel bad making crude comments, but she has to know it's coming.
hes a good boy he deserves a good blow
the bartender cut you off himself after you started walking on tops of tables and hugging random people
He texted me saying that his mom found my nuva ring in their jacuzzi filter. I don't think I'm welcome back anytime soon.
So I paid for the taxi using pennies and hair clips, no need to thank me.
Sometimes you get drunk and fall out of a car. I never said it was glamorous.
Im gonna take a shit then figure out how to be better at basketball
Because I know nothing is hotter than ocean themed dick pics on SnapChat...
Got home. All the lights were on. All the doors were unlocked. My room was covered in beads, there's puke in the sink and of course our toilet is still broke. I'd say it was a decent Mardi Gras
i came home after a long day at work and she dropped a plate of cheesecake and a bottle of whiskey in front of me and said here's dinner
I'm currently sitting beside my brother who is taking a bath and feeding him nachos while he covers his genitals. If that's not sibling bonding then I don't know what is
My boobs look fucktastic, I have a booty call on Sunday and a dick photo on my phone. Life is grand!
Randomize
