he thinks im joking when i say don't visit. i mean it's summer...he was the college fuck and now it's time for the summer fuck
Hey can we break in your window? We need to borrow the dog.
You will receive a large, large reward, worth much more than the actual phone you are holding, paid not only in cash but in sexual favors, if you return this phone! Please respond if you're interested in cash/sex/or just being a good person. Thanks and hope to hear from you soon!
Hahahahahahhajahahahahajajjajahjahahajahahajajahahahajjajajahahjajajajajahahahajjjajajaahhahhahahahahahahahaha dominos taxi
You couldn't find your shoe so you introduced yourself as Cinderella for the rest of the night.
Ahh that explains the text from creepy mike saying he would be my prince charming.
Marking my student's "don't do drugs" posters while simultaneously texting my dealer, is this what being a grown up is like?
if I open my eyes, my head will explode. that hungover.
I'm pretty sure that our Lady and The Tramp Red Vine moment was the farthest I got last night
Oh by "being festive" I mean make tacos for dinner.
Just told my roommate about "analvice" and she is horrified and the Sound of Music is ruined.
Someone explain to me why I woke up to find a stolen shopping cart in my room...
im going to smoke a cigarette and reflect on my life choices
He's UNCIRCUMCISED. And it curves. Two things I've never encountered in all my sluttiness and they're both on the hottest guy alive. :(
God gave you your own nipples for a reason.
I’m planning a Pharmasutra for the first night after the pandemic ends
Pharmasutra?
Me + Chris + cocktails + viagra = night of orgasms
Randomize
