Can I crash on your couch? I just came home to find my wife giving two guys blowjobs.
Two?
Two.
he said he would handcuff me to his penis. thats not even possible. i want to go home.
My head. My head is the problem. Also alcoholism.
I was afraid that she would smell her boyfriend's penis on my breath while we were talking.
What are you doing and how can I add sex in there
My last two google searches are "shiny things" and "Ohio consent laws." you should visit more often.
We found her on the doorstep. Just layin down going, "I made it home!! Aren't you proud??!"
Another memory: We offered for a stranger to live in our house under the condition that he took the garbage out because it's a 'blue' job.
We are the best.
Ps. We need to take the garbage out.
I just don't remember. It's like I went to bed on July 3rd.. and woke up on the 5th. Nothing.
you showed up at my door at 3am, handed me a bag of cold chicken nuggets and said "lead me to the non-irish Siobhans," do YOU think you were tripping?
This strip club is mediocre. Talent is fine. Fung shui is bad.
You're breaking my sexual little heart
I woke up beside him and almost cried. Then I realized you were on the other side so I knew I hadn't made any bad decisions.
I swear my vagina needs to be taken away from me when I drink.
She told me I’m a “stunt cock.” I’m okay with that
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