Whyyyyy do my fingers smell like Chinese food.
He was legit dry humping me to the sportscenter theme song, awkward i think SO.
Having him eat chocolate out of you is not as romantic as it sounds. I'm still finding pieces.
Girl next to me just said "as a guy I used to sweat but not I don't. it's awesome" Oh. My. God.
we're at Rob's house and just invented the best drinking game ever....we are on Chatroulette and everytime we see a dick we all have to drink.
I'm just gonna go nail your roommate after we break up anyway.
They're re-releasing Titanic in 3-D. Can I interest you in a joint venture to create the greatest drinking game of all time? I think yes
walk of shame this morning involved walking through the in-home daycare that she runs while it was full of kids. judgemental little shits. on a plus, got a juice box and a graham cracker for the walk home.
There's two sisters at this place and they look competitive. Try for a threesome tonight?
You, me, naked, mistletoe, fifth of jack, gallon of lube, condoms, Cheetos, handcuffs, rope, along with no morals, inhibition or judgment. That's all I want for Christmas.
I can't wait til me and pit bull can just be together
Dude, he wouldn't have sex with me during halftime cause we were rooting for different teams and that would be "bad juju", I had to settle for 69.
The best thing about this time of year is that all I have to do is add a random mardi gras decoration to my cart full of alcohol and boom, no more judging
I biked home blackout drunk last night, but I have some memory of throwing my bike in a rage when I couldnt get it down the stairs. No idea on the bright orange puke in the sink.
You ran outside of the party to do the rain dance and swim in puddles
Randomize
