Nipple clamps can be ambiguous
I really want to sleep with her friend. I'm hoping our casual sex relationship will somehow lead to that.
grilled cheese. we just shotgunned grilled cheese.
I really need to stop coming home drunk and lint rolling my rabbit.
I have bruises everywhere. I think I took "the drinks are strong" as more of a challenge than a warning.
We were naked in bed for hours and we didn't have sex. Either he's gay or he wants to respect me. Neither of which I approve of.
I mean, I can get to know him eventually. The time frame doesn't really matter. I'll have sex with him regardless of whether he's interesting or not.
I'm so hungover all I can do is stare at my curser and hope it starts moving on its own
don't trust your eyes. just sniff them. if they smell like axe, they are broke, move on to the next.
Then mom squeezed my boob and said, "Dad would go nuts if I had these..."
Someone just walked into the bar with a pillow
I don't know whether to judge him or give him a high five
I should start prefacing bondage with girls saying "I know you've read 50 Shades, but there is a 33% you're gonna freakout and go home, while I jerk it alone"
I feel like people expect me to always be a sarcastic, shade throwing drunk. And you know me, I hate to disappoint.
Last night this creepy guy asked me my name and I told him it was Jaundice and he called me that all night
Should I put the spider I likely swallowed in my sleep into my calorie tracker?
Randomize
