ill give you a foot job if you come over before 4
i may have used way too many innuedos last night. i scared him off. but really... how could i pass up "stimulus package" and "flacid economy." don't answer that.
So, you didn't have time to come pick me up but you did have time to get plastered and then write "champagne money" on every one of my statuses for the past month?
we went to the bar with our boss and you tried to play a song from the atm machine
One time she made a chronological chart for the guys she has given blow jobs to, I shit you not.
I may have to marry her. She is smarter than me and has a six figure job and doesn't want to have kids. All I have to be is a trophy husband.
He tried to puke in the 14th hole and when I told him to stop he started chanting "hole in one hole in one"
I've never heard "I will drown your mother in vanilla pudding" as an insult before, and then last night happened.
Are you 5:30 blackout again?
Never ever make a tattoo bet. I now have a shamrock on my dick.
I'm in Home Depot and I can feel the straight bob the builders staring at me. I bet it's like I have a rainbow arrow pointing at me.
Oral stamina is what keeps life exciting
I'm really stressed out right now.
I think you're confusing "stressed" and "sober".
Had a girl with a moustache tattoo on her hand give me a handjob. That shit was classy as fuck. I felt like I should be wearing a monocle or something.
Next time I say "i forgot to eat dinner, oh well" before drinking STRAP ME TO A CHAIR AND FORCE FEED ME BEFORE ALLOWING ME TO CONSUME BOOZE
Randomize
