So the bouncer told me I could leave the easy way or the hard way. I told him I was going to make him earn his 10 bucks that hour.
Apparently you chose the latter.
I'm eating my dinosaur chicken nuggets in the order they would die in the food chain.
Umm ok I'm kinda freaked out right now bc the chick that lives next door is either having tantric sex or slowly suffocating her dog to death.
my dad just referred to me and my boobs as 'the three of you'
Call me when your ready for an explanation about the ham in your vagina.
Just had to find a way to explain to the border patrol that we were coming into canada "for about a half hour to have one last under 21 drink before kendals birthday at midnight." He said ok and told us where the closest bar was. Nice man.
We are going to get high as balls and watch netflix
THIS IS WHAT BEING AN ADULT LOOKS LIKE
You know in a few years she's gonna look like her mom. So if you're gonna hit that you better do it while she still looks like somebody else.
I needed that adderall to break my tradition of passing out at the bar on Sundays
my vagina hasn't met your boyfriend yet ... makes me sad
Six words: 3rd Degree Burn On My Dick
Give me 20 minutes.. I'm going to need to start off with an orgasm to get through this day
Because you touch yourself at night.
...What time of day am I supposed to do it?
Also fuck yeah conspiracy
The thing I'm gonna miss about him is his dick.
Randomize
