Remember that one time i smeared period blood on your face?
I hate you
We need to rekindle our bromance
I told her at least we still had each other. That's when she started crying.
everyone has their kryptonite. mine just happens to be 18 year old blonde girls.
So what if i ate it off the ground. Its like i found a five dollar bill just laying there, in burrito form.
she was pooping while we were on video chat. new level of love.
You may or may not of thrown up on your shoes, and you tried to give me a wet willy in my eye.
On a lighter note, the guy I gave a lap dance to then fell asleep on his crotch just facebook friend requested me..
BoomCity!!!
You don't have to text me that every time you have sex. I already heard you ring the gong.
Didn't want you to think it had been open season on my vagina since we broke up.
I've decided that buying my first unused mattress has been my first major step into real adulthood.
YAS. BRING CRAB.
So, I almost went hone with a French guy and a drag queen. Together. Then I became sober enough to realize, that's not my style.
OMG OMG OMG Ive hit the penis jackpot
It seriously took everything in my power not to sleep with him
What did it come out and serenade you? Lol
It sang to me in the dark. It was magical
He wanted me to do the rubix cube. He thought it was hot.
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