Maybe you should have studied instead of worrying about who is going to have sex with you
look out your window.... he's holding his iphone up like a boombox playing you beach boys
I'm crawling around naked in my room looking for my hairbrush. Just thought I'd put that image in your head.
tried to chug a glass full of ice cubes. went better then expected.
The bend and snap? 98% success rate of getting attention. When used appropriately, it has an 83% rate of return on a dinner invitation.
I AM A HOUSE CAT. I CANNOT DO THIS LION BUSINESS WE CALL THE SINGLE LIFE
I be dancing. See you soon. You can drink tequila from my pants.
And I might have stolen a bag of Doritos out of Matt's car and hid them in my bag and gave individual chips out to people dancing, trying to convince people they were mini tacos.. Like why Am I allowed to be an adult
250 people in this lecture & my prof asks who already drank green beer this morning& is drunk right now. I WAS THE ONLY ONE TO RAISE MY HAND
I'm more heavily invested in that tequila than you are
He has a beach house and a Simba tattoo. Our wedding is next Tuesday, hope you're free.
Hey I'm at the gym and I need your personal trainer help. Also can you send me that picture of me eating a sausage. I want to post it on instgram.
So I got offered a job this morning based on being a "good role model for girls" and I am drunk at 330 in the afternoon in "celebration." sometimes, life is insane. But not so bad.
I just woke up naked in a bed with your brother. WHAT THE HELL HAPPENED TO NOT LETTING EACH OTHER DO STUPID THINGS?
You fucked my brother?!
i have to pee so bad and he is sleeping and idk where the bathroom or my clothes are!!!
Randomize
