their songs make me feel all the things I wanna feel. Ya dig?
and what kinds of feelings would these be?
Happy, horny, occasionally hungry
did we hook up?
no, because you kept repeating "itty bitty titties" when i took off my shirt
Then he showed me his sketchbook. Every drawing was a hand in different 'fingering positions'. Dear JESUS.
I blacked out at the bar, and blcked in getting a handjob on a roller coaster. Sober me is jealous of drunk me.
That's cool. At least the punch line of my story isn't I shit in a booth at Denny's.
Consider it an appointment to improve my blow job capabilities.
Honestly I think at this point I purposefully schedule nothing on Sundays anymore so I can spend all day wallowing in my shame.
I need a straight guy to pretend to be my boyfriend for 30 minutes so that I can pull off an act of petty vengeance. Interested?
I woke up in a trash can. Please dude. I don't know what I did to you last night, but I'm sorry. Epically sorry. Please call me back. Please.
I smoked that joint really fast and now I'm so high I'm crawling around on all 4 giving my dogs piggie back rides pretending its the macy day parade for dogs and I'm their giant human float.
Can you bring me a corn dog or something shaped like one?
I just got my evaluation. My manager told me he hated my guts and pretty much wanted to stab me in the face. Then he gave me an "exceeds expectations" on pretty much everything and a raise.
no strings attached, like you could fuck him and then throw him off a building right after
My fucking earlobe is bruised what the hell
When a guy asks for your ig but you already know his blood type, social security number, & mother's maiden name.
Randomize
