I showed my boss the "She Wolf" video. He sent it to all his friends and told me to make us martinis...thanks Shakira and keep it up
I'm not really that drunk, but I think vampires should glow in the dark because otherwise it's just unfair
Found more tequila
They were done having sex when I went to the room. They had that look on their faces.
Disappointment?
She gave him a lap dance on the glass table. You can guess how that ended
This hangover is so bad, we are pregaming Chinese food with pizza.
Due to last night I think a roommate constitution should be made. The first law will be designed to prevent any chicks below a 4 to enter the house.
She dressed up in a sexy maid outfit for me, but she got mad when I asked her to actually do some cleaning.
I was looking up travel destinations and somehow I ended up reading Paul's first letter to the Corinthians. I need to start going to church high...
What was my myspace song when I went away to rehab?
Santa tracker drinking game, you in or what?
His name was toto. That should have been my red flag
Of two things I'm absolutely sure: 1. I only took 2 hits off that joint and 2. I definitely ran over hedwig on the way home
I just put on my bra while peeing. I fear this will be my big achievement of the day.
He bent me in ways I couldn't imagine.. and im a gymnast.
My parents are coming to visit the 28th. How bad is it that I put a reminder in my phone to "hide sex toys"?
Randomize