take 3 tylenol pm's and try playing basketball.
shes wearing a jean skirt, its frayed. i got this
I just don't have the heart to tell my mom you peed in our washer machine last night.
you just started pointing at the light and whispering "star wars"
Either he masturbated at the end of the bed or she gave him a bj. Either way my bed was shaking and I was uninvolved.
I just remembered something. Did we really all flash the cab driver to get half off?
I just had the weirdest moment. Made eye contact at the bar with a girl who has seen my vagina.
I feel like I've asked you "are you okay?" one too many times in the last 48 hours. You're hopeless.
We got high and watched Winnie the Pooh. Isn't that what every normal person does on their break?
and then I partied with my new dealers deaf pit bull. All around a good night I'd say...
how don't worse things happen to you?
She said she was sober from drugs for a week. All I heard was Kenny Loggins singing Danger Zone.
Smargarita sloshedurday tomorrow around 2
Bring a helmet for your liver
Dude I woke up with a handprint shaped bruise on my ass, a pong ball in my cleavage, and somebody else's gold chain around my neck. Who's house am I in?
hey. this is your former cousin. you boned my best friend last night.
Bro, I was just laying in bed with this girl and her boyfriend came an woke me up
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