dude i was like still drunk, taking pictures of her while she was naked and asleep and she woke up
haha what'd she say
i don't know man, something about us dating. but i never talked to her sober so i said i was making breakfast and snuck out of her house. close calls man WTF
Lady next to me is getting american flags airburshed on her nails. god bless the ghetto.
he legitimately fell asleep standing up at the club. everyone was impressed
I know I said I was done dating 22 year olds but it's not my fault all the guys my age gave up on life and got fat
Knitting and drinking wine. Forget my 21st birthday, might as well just skip to my 60th
trying to imitate man vs food after 12 shots doesnt mean youll get laid
she brought my homemade cookies with condoms taped to the box... im in love
The last thing I remember is sitting in a chair and him hand feeding me bell peppers
I've decided I'm gonna attack people with the toilet plunger.
I'm sorry, you might have to start setting aside some time in your day for my pussy.
I declared today 'Have a Bloody Mary Naked Day'. Why? Because I'm hungover, thirsty & don't want to bother putting on clothes.
We played Rock Paper Scissors to see who would have to go down on the other person.
Glad I can drunkenly remember to not get tomatoes on my Mexican pizza but can't tell a guy to keep his hands off my ass
On a scale of 1-10, how inappropriate is it to sneak into someone's box of sex toys and put googly eyes on their vibrator?
I made her pull the car over 5 times to puke because she was going to fast, apparently she was only going 30mph...
Randomize
