I feel like my sweat is 40 proof right now
After he came all over my face, he proceeded to give me a high five. I can't even act upset because I always put myself in these situations. Did I mention D3: Mighty Ducks was playing in the background?
you never realize your highschool teachers are real people till you fuck one of them
and i had to drink on "never have i ever unsuccessfully tried to seduce a virgin ginger"
I should have considered my snorting capabilities before breaking my nose
you goin out tonight?
who is this.
your orgasm for tonight
I'm so hungover all I can do is stare at my curser and hope it starts moving on its own
My brain is like scrambled eggs. If scrambled eggs were trying to escape out of my skull through my forehead.
Please tell me you have Advil or Tylenol or ibuprofen or a fucking baseball bat
I dunno. We kind of want to have a hippie communing with nature type break. But because we're such alcoholics I feel like we'll just be wasted the whole time in addition to hugging trees and shit
Wife and kids came home early...naked passed out covered in chili cheese Fritos dad will haunt them forever.
I'm developing all these feelings it's disgusting.
Idk why more people don't drink at work ... i mean, yeah, the cash might be off tonight, but my customer service is fucking phenomenal right now
If we were unicorns we would fly together. Like in a pack. A pack of flying unicorns
Last night I drank three beers and threw up in a tree house. I am ashamed.
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