sunday morning discovery: something purple, smelly, and sticky my hair. any suggestions?
her teeth should be alot whiter from all of those blowjobs she gives
I opened my door to go to class and all there was was a raccoon puking on the doorstep. In hindsight, it was a very accurate omen.
All I I know is that there's 2 new contacts in my phone. Drunk Backdoor and Gayass Handshake. Thanks, Jameson.
I ended up passing out on the shitter for like an hour with mcds smoothie all over my face
And on that day, Satan said; "Let there be the friend zone and let us get fucking high." while Jesus silently cried in the background.
THIS ISN'T WORKING THIS IS THE DRUNK LEADING THE DRUNK
Just think of your bundle of joy thats on its way. And how hes gunna rip your vagina apart
Die.
Just so you know, if I get bored tomorrow I WILL pretend to get drunk in the bathroom and crash the whole thing
My fall semester strategy is to submit my papers with a nude selfie
You've got post-grad studies written all over you
I was chasing pulls of fireball with bites of a bagel and yelling at people to take tequila shots with me. I shouldn't be allowed to go out alone.
Virgins should have to wear a badge. This burden is too heavy...
It's a sexual break up. We maintain a friendship and leave any and all sexual attraction out. It's not hard, having a baby is harder than that.
He's hot....knda sweaty, drunk smells like feet....but he's hung like a whale....so in other words totally your type
All I wanted was to die alone with my dogs....how did I end up here
I don't know if I should laugh or punch you
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