What should i be more turned off about... his massive collection of condoms or that he asked me to sign my name by number 68 on the list posted on his wall?
I think the two go hand in hand.
So we tried to 69 with him on top. NEVER TRY IT. His balls were in my eyes and it was terrifying.
the bouncer made me realize that puking in line does not get you in any faster
He literally is quoting that 21 questions song, the 50 cent one. oh my god.
we found you in the kitchen at five am trying to make a vodka omelette. you said you didn't want to live in a world where your two favourite things couldn't be together.
I threw all my money on the ground and said it was for homeless people and fell down the stairs
All I remember is waking up with 3 penises pointed at my face. I also remember enjoying that a lot. And then I threw up in their shower.
Everybody needs breakup sex. You just happened to get yours from a dude who hasn't reached the point of breakup yet. No biggie.
He looks like he was the one that always had koolaid stains around his mouth as a kid, he can fuck off.
My one regret (beside the inevitable shit storm that followed) is that now I can't fuck his cute friend.
Well I'm in a stranger's bed.
Gotta leave to watch the Lions
I should be trashily making out with an air force cadet in the beach volleyball court by now
Family trip though. I generally don't wheel too much ass with the fam in tow. Despite the fact my parents would be pleased if I did.
Since moving to the suburbs, all I do is fuck my ex and watch cartoons. It's not so bad.
are you comparing glasses to pregnancy
Randomize
