Ok pretty sure I just saw Mike O'Malley walking through the parking lot. I wanted to see if I followed him, would he lead me to the acro-criag, i've always wanted a crack at that bitch.
Should I shave my pubes in the shape of a top hat so I can nickname my junk Abe Lincoln?
You know its going to be a good homecoming when you beer bong a mimosa at 6am.
Just an FYI: The offer for you to come snow blow my driveway in return for sexual favors is still on the table
For the record, saying you're friends with the owner doesn't work when the owner is the one throwing you out.
I want to celebrate with you...
There's nothing I'd like more than a celebratory "The guy I'm doing just found out he's not a baby daddy" dinner.
I don't think tequila will soothe the spots where my tonsils used to be.
i really need to shower, but i don't want to take off my bra and lose my cleavage. the struggle
He convinced the breakfast vendor to melt twix bars on bacon for me at 4am. He slurred every word. I think I found my prince charming.
You're dick is like the main character. It needs its own picture.
he's a ginger AND was born with 2 holes in his penis. sleeping with a rare species & I LOVE THE THRILL
He asked me who my new boyfriend was and I showed him a picture of my sex toys.
Literally I woke up the other day and the girl part of me was like “GET CUFFED MOTHERFUCKER” and I went ham on tinder.
If he flies out here I will sleep with him. I have morals, but not when it comes to southern accents
dad says come back and get the lawn mower out of the pool before mom gets home
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