I CAN MOONWALK!
Call me "white mamba"
Your dick is not a dangerous deadly poisonous snake
It is white.
My vagina hasn't been this smooth since I was 8. I better get laid tonight.
Apparently it costs $70 to clean vomit off the side of our apartment building.
Currently smoking a blunt with my one night stand's mom. I don't know how I should feel about this.
I walked from the hotel to the club with a pint of tequila in my boot. Poured some in a homeless woman's mouth when she asked for change. I've hit rock bottom.
Okay so for future reference and your own safety I should probably tell you that it is not cranberry juice in that bottle on the kitchen table.
Judging by my bruises, I know I took more than one tumble. I probably pulled u down w me, and then punched you in the knee. Been trying to find a place to fix my phone between naps today. Almost no place accepts hand js as currency these days. 2013 is gonna be expensive and whorey.
Now that makes it sound like you had sex with a guy in batman costume and you never took the mask off so you can't 100 percent be sure.
Aaaaaaaand dick pic. God bless america, and god bless tinder.
you said you wanted to call me grandma and give me hugs
Handcuffs. Recoverd. I'm a goddamn detective.
I guess I can check "drink alone in the dark" off my bucket list
One of these days I would like to go out drinking and stick to plan of just getting drunk and not be sidetracked with other people's plans of doing drugs along the way. I didn't even want to not feel my teeth tonight but here we go just another Thursday night when you live I live
He asked me how many starwars references he could make before i no longer find him attractive.
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