Asian chick on skype stripping for me. Hold on give few min
It took you an unbelievable amount of time to realize that your ass was on fire.
omg. don't know how to spell his name, but hot new zealand guy's dick is magic
Well, according to foursquare I checked in "@under the bushes" at 3:27am. This could explain some things.
This could be one of the worst things i've done... The background of her phone is her and her boyfriend.
Drunk tip #47: Its better to overestimate how many plastic bottles itll take to urinate in, rather then underestimate.
I was carrying him baywatch style into my place because he passed out.
So. Much. Sex. I feel like i ran a marathon then someone kicked me in the vagina. Soo worth it
It's a good cause. For your vagina.
I have family pictures in an hour and a half and I'm 9 beers deep. This is how I get written out of my grandparents will...
I started having a bad trip because I closed my eyes and got lost in a forest of patterns and I knew my mom would be upset.
Do you know how fucking great a bath bomb is when you're high?
Ate his Chinese food and drank his beer and played with his chihuahua. All while wrapped in a towel while he was sleep.
IT'S A GIANT FUCKING ROBOT, DUDE. LOGIC IS OUT OF THE QUESTION BECAUSE AWESOME.
You carved your initals into all my vitamins and said "now a small part of me will be in you every morning" before you fell asleep with my thong on your head.
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