I think i really like him...he was super cuddly and kept me company.
stop. you already have a dog
Sorry really high. We have no lighter so we're lighting the bowl with rolled up paper towels lit by candle which also lit with a rolled up paper towel that we lit with the stove eye
I have located the smell of the stripper and narrowed it down to 3 girls in class
I knew the only reason I bought a smartphone was to play "You're Havin My Baby" on the way to cvs to buy Plan B.
The last thing I remember is trying to split my bridesmaid dress down the back like the incredible hulk.
and you succeeded.
Sorry about the voicemail last night, people in hostel thought getting the clap from cheating on me wasn't enough and you hearing a 6 foot 5 Swedish dude bang the shit out of me was needed.
im sorry but you know it was a good night when you got tasered on the ass and didnt even feel it
I have got to stop singing on voicemails. I just left my dad a 6 minute musical message.
We smoked bowls and watched Cops for what seemed like hours. And yet I know I'll go back.
I met a pornstar at his bachelor party and signed his shirt giving him wedding advice
I swear to god if I see a single piece of genitalia I'm driving back to LI and smacking you back to the Italian Renaissance
That was so not worth putting pants on for.
Woke up in bushes at UT didn't know I was Austin last night
you could be the only one getting laid right now....yet your sitting in here making goat noises
The last time I was on vacation the pandemic blew up. Can't wait to see how my vacation fucks up the world this time.
Randomize
