saw you had $9 in your checking acct, left $20 on your dresser so you won't be a whore this weekend
Who would have guessed that on my moms birthday she'd have sex with the door open. :(
She just got in car wreck. Wreck sex is better than break up sex
My parents just suggested that we tailgate the midnight christmas service. this is my gene pool.
he has the hands of the vagina gods.
Dude. There's gotta be an article in Cosmo about it cause I've had three different girls tongue tickle my brownie this month.
so the photographer said "let's get a picture of the cousins" so we posed together, and then he said " lets get a picture of the couples" So we posed together.
I woke up and he was starring at me and then said "do you believe in miracles"?
I spent most of the night trying to drink out of three bottles of beer at once. I don't have to be told the reasons I'm single
we're decorating our christmas cookies with birth control. so pretty.
And all you did was hit on me and do things "for America", so you weren't judged heavily
So question... If I'm sexting with uncircumcised guy, do I have to add *then i gently pull your foreskin down*?
Just made a bong out of a pineapple. So yes.. And champagne is about to be popped
Thanks for your faith in my ability to stay sober while writing final essays. It's...unearned.
I just want a simple guy who likes cats, tattoos, and doing coke off my tits.
Randomize
