Do I give off a "I have a sex tape" vibe???
I woke up this morning and was hoping we drank enough last night to have a unicorn drawn on my wrist. Good News: We did.
i think i want to fuck a midget just to see how difficult it would be
we left the bar for like 10 minutes last night and moved his car so it wouldnt get towed. neither of us have a clue where it is right now.
i just googled "alcohol delivery service". im combating drunk driving one lazy act a time.
We fucked to techno music while he wore shin guards... best sex ever.
She was so morning drunk she asked the lady at brueggers for a bandaid and my self respect back
At least I remembered to wear a bra. I feel like that's a big accomplishment right now
Woke up this morning naked, wrapped in a bath mat with a wad of singles on the table. I'm calling it a win.
Can we just get drunk and watch the Birdcage please I have no tolerance for straight men today
I lose my morals, my dignity, and my selfie stick :(
Enjoy the penises
Are you going to regret this?
No I do t think so
Ok then he can enter the holy dorm temple.
You know you have a good math teacher when we're talkIng about mixture problems and no one gets it until he explains it by talking about mixing alcohol
We are balling out on levels, I think mikes about to go to jail. something to do with a unicorn and rainbows, the cops are not being reasonable.
Randomize
