Would it be quicker to bike the freeway home?
You don't get off work for this? I feel genuinely bad for you.
I'll have a beer when I get into the office. Yes, I hide beer in my work frige.
Imagine two people making love on top of a unicorn . . . my life is the opposite of that.
Only you would get a date out of getting hit by a car
A beer is a heart your wish makes!!!
I was mid hand job and stopped me because he wanted to "connect" which meant putting his thumb in between my eyebrows and a hand over my heart and closing our eyes...
I woke up sandwiched between them, all of us naked, and they were just sharing a cigarette, a donut, and the paper like it was just some normal post-threesome Sunday brunch.
Incase you were wondering. Cooking naked turns into sex. Sex and cooking may lead to house fire....
I think the fact that I stole someone's mail and broke my big toe means that I should consider taking some time away from vodka
Now I'm having a post-sex brownie. Is this the life? I think it might be
I see you listening to my get shitfaced playlist on spotify. glad we're on the same page tonight there's a drink waiting for you downstairs.
I couldn't find my hair brush so I just brushed my hair with a cat brush. I should not be dating.
I cannot believe I accepted his penis into my body.
i'm not sure what you are doing right now, but i know that i don't like it. whatever you are doing. just stop. come here so we can fuck
He thought reverse cowgirl meant he dressed up as a cowgirl. Honestly, it was more creepy than funny
Randomize
