My pee smelled like sake this morning it was sooo disgusting.
No one understands that once a girl pours a handle of smirnoff all over herself, clearly she is wasted
Guess who just screamed "Everything happens for a reason!!" in the abortion clinic. This girl.
I found your knife. It was stuck in my bedroom ceiling.
Pretty sure the nurse said at one point I was in full restraints because I tried surfing my stretcher
OH HAPPY DAYS YOU'RE BOTH GINGERS YOU'LL REPRODUCE YOUR OWN KIND
I am pretty sure we beat baby seals over the head in a past life. That is why we are being punished.
I think I fell in love with her when I saw her kick a freshman in the chest
It's a good thing my liver is flexible because a lesser man would be dead
We had sex and he ended up in the hospital... don't know if I should be worried or proud.
He stole me a cantaloupe and we drunkenly broke into a park and ate it on a bench with my pocket knife. I think i need to marry him
I'd like to have a moment of silence for all the dicks she's broken off
What happened last night? I just woke up and there's like 15 mcflurry cups on the floor
You don't remember stealing them?
She demanded to see my stimulus package, I had to go over.
The covid immunization shot lady also sold me a mondo bag of really good pot.
Randomize
