Well, ive pounded a baby into a stripper and a girl who was on jerry springer, a 16 year old is logically next.
you used progresso chicken soup as a mixer last night
My new apartment is within walking distance of both the liquor store and the chinese buffet. This is either going to be my worst life choice ever or my best.
I can blatently call girls sluts here and they think i'm speaking norwegian
It's like his dick is pushing through his pants and driving him over here.
I am currently exfoliating my skin with the toilet. We've never been so close.
He makes this seasoned whore feel like a novice. I've met the one.
1 be hot 2 flirt with everyone 3 use hotness to make people do things for you. It's a simple model.
By the end of the night I was using him as a leg rest and he was handing me pizza rolls when I wiggled my hand. It's a proven method.
Welp I just blew a load probably the size of a small pond if not a lake
Who the fuck is this
He wrote me poetry. 12 hours after getting my number
I'm just gonna stay I'm bed where it is warm and cozy and nobody knows me as the girl that puked on a stripper
Whenever I'm hungover I try to stay in public as much as possible, hoping to be a cautionary tale to children. It's a public service, really.
He changed the password on his Netflix account. The break up is official.
I'm so bored I talked to the Bible guys for 30 minutes.
I offered them beer last time they came here bahaha
I wish I could open myself up and check on my liver. Make sure it's hanging on. Ya know?
Randomize
