You think the Elephant Man ever tried to pick up chicks claiming all his appendages were elephant-sized?
Do you ever look at a vegetable and think "that would be awesome to shove up my vagina"?
For sure. We should see if we can get Mike to pay for one, and have a triple kegger... :o==& (that's future me projectile vomiting. i try to be goal oriented)
My dinner last night was 3000 calories of beer. Slept kneeling on the floor w/ my head on a couch
I think when she wakes up, she'll either kill me, or laugh. I hope she laughs.
I'm sorry for coming into your work place and trying to smuggle you out in my purse.
I think I found out what we're going be for Halloween....Alcohol poisoning victims.
Should I be concerned you put your last name in my phone as "danger"?
we're spending all day in bed drinking spiked eggnog and fucking
Never doubt me. I am drunk and unstoppable and I will finish this book
I jizzed in his mayonnaise and put it back in the fridge. Shouldn't have stolen my weed.
I did it again.
I drunk texted John McCain.
So I'm at home coloring while smoking a joint. It can only go down hill from here.
Fuck this. I'm adopting 12 cats and naming them after the 12 disciples. Maybe Jesus will have sympathy for me then.
i just got hit by a door and im the one that said im sorry, yeah im drunk.
Randomize
