My phone auto-corrects smirnoff to poisoned. I think it is trying to tell me something.
still haven't packed clothes. only wine. gotta love spring break
Sex tent. say it aloud its amazing. promise you we rnt stoned.
I saw him walking to campus with his beer in his hand in the same sweats he wore walking to campus with a beer in his hand yesterday.
I kind of feel like BP. I'm dressed in green and absolutely horrible for the environment.
I've fucked 6 of my brothers' friends. I'm completely fine with him fucking the girl we ate lunch with.
I just got caught impersonating a t-Rex by my boss. Sadly he wasn't fazed by my behavior and acted like it was normal.
The fact that you walked around talking like Barbie and still got laid amazes me.
Sitting in bed reading a porn novel off my phone and accidentally just made Siri start reading the most graphic part aloud. FUN FIRST NIGHT WITH THE NEW ROOMIE.
THIS IS EXACTLY WHY YOU SHOULDA FUCKED BEFORE YOU MADE HIM YOUR BOYFRIEND, CURVED DICKS ARE NOT OK
There are regrets.. and there are RAGRETS
using my tits for other peoples nudes hit me up business in the making
You're a disaster
Wanna date?
I'm too drunk to remember your name. I'm too drunk to recall where i'm currently at. And i'm too drunk to give a shit.
Wait you took his virginity AND broke his bed doing it
I know! I’m the best!
Randomize
