i just told my boss to make it rain at camelot later...what is wrong with me?
can you come get me and bring me shorts and a shirt
maybe shoes and water too
oh and maybe a noose to hang myself
It's sad how good I am at giving people diseases
make sure to take notes today. there is a guy in a wheelchair who might be getting a DUI from a cop on horseback. I'm gonna see this through.
he got a rim job in the basement.
apparently i was the one who gave it to him.
How am I suppose to fully love you when you cant even open up and try to fulfill my midget fantasy
Hah, I lost the lenses in my glasses, didn't event notice til this morning... How was the meeting?
Great I'll forever be branded as gym slut at the new gym.
Just found a bottle of tequila in the washer.
we can't get the sharpie off the toilet seat from where you pressed your forearm with THUG LIFE written on it while you puked until 3 last night
I'm going to get pregnant and die... Mean Girls warned me about this but I didn't listen
Holy crap, church bells in Cibolo just scared the hell out of me. I'm pretty sure they were yelling sinner at me.
So what exactly does one do when my driver gets a DUI and is now arrested and I'm still hiding in the trunk?
I'm a bit offended I got no nudies back but it's whatever
They're in the mail. Snapchats too fast. I want the suspense.
After dropping your phone on the ground you got down and sat with it, kissed it and apologized for being so mean
Randomize
