He started yelling "we're making a baby" mid thrust.. probably not the right guy for me right?
I dumped him because he's never seen star wars. I'm certain I did the right thing.
A guy in a big stork costume just came to our meeting to give us condoms and t-shirts telling us not to get pregnant. Only at college
how you manage to cockblock me from 500 miles away still baffles me.
deryk tried to steal your screen door and i think sam and brent are duct taping lauren to the diving board.
You demanded I give you a glass of water, so I set it down in front of you and you knock it over and roll in it..,
I wanted to be a dolphin.
I really don't want to. I just don't know how to nicely say "dude I'm having a rough time in life right now and I just need to dress like a stripper cop, get shit faced, and have dirty crazy sex"
It was awful. Mid hookup he started reading the titles of the books over my bed, which were about Russian imperial history. He then started asking me questions about the class I was reading the books for. I was like "WE HAVE TIME FOR THAT LATER, PLEASE CONTINUE."
you were leaning up against the wall pulling your shirt up asking girls to dance on you. your courage to do that is both admirable and frightening.
I think we should have realized the night was going to be nuts when it started with a bum dying in front of my house.
Is it just me, or do you see your penis in that hand?
Well if your hearts not big enough, your penis certainly is. Just have a threesome
So I love answering sex questions in intimate relationships class on a clicker when im sitting next to my cousin..
Going on a coke binge the night before your appointment with your therapist (to talk about your sex addiction) is prob not the best idea.
and by running errands I mean eating an entire bag of milanos by myself in the Walmart parking lot
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