I wish we had a justin bieber to wanna fuck when we were younger... But noooo we just had hanson
I just remembered we said the Lord's Prayer before we went out last night.
we're doing shots for every degree below freezing it is outside
That's because you're a slut. A slut fucking a fence.
I'm sorry I dragged a dildo (on a leash) into your room last night.
thats the coolest thing thats happened to my vagina since i dated that guy from portugal.
They were greeting people getting off the 48 with green beers and cheers. The one day I decide not to take the bus home...
it's not like this is the first time she's brought a guy home and I'm the one who hooks up with him
He wants me to have his first child. So that makes four gay men that've called dibs on my eggs.
He started screaming when he saw my dog. He thought it was a polar bear
YOU LET ME GO HOME WITH CREEPY RON JEREMY?!?
...and?
I hate when you're right.
I had to ask him for a dick pic. Do you know how refreshing that was?
I want to wait until after I get laid before I ask him his political affiliation. Just in case. I'm so desperate I would bang a Republican
If you had been home 20 minutes ago, you probably would've caught me masturbating, so it might be for the best.
These tits shall not be calmed
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