Dude, she's so old there's a chalk outline where her reproductive organs used to be.
16 and pregnant actually makes me really happy that i'm gay
my FASA form asked what i spent the majority of my 08 earnings on, im tempted to put "booze, blow, & blunts"
Yes someone did see you carrying a beer bong on the side of coastal highway
Dude you make losing your phone an art. You left it balancing on a two liter bottle in the kitchen. Wtf
HE HAS A FUCKING TWIN. HE HAS A TWIN. I'M NOT DRUNK THERE IS TWO OF THEM.
Maybe it's cuz you slapped him with a pancake last night
I vaguely remember you trying to make me a casserole with marshmallows and a can of beer.
Nick is about to bring home a woman who is 39, a mother, and, by all accounts, FUCKING HOMELESS. Will update as details become available.
if I blackout nd am found tomorrow w butterfly hairclips on my nipples and my habd down my pants tell my family I am sorry
Is this like a preordered booty call?
I think I fucked someone on the flight home last night.
Just come home. We will have sex and Taco Bell. I'm feeling wild, I put on temporary tattoos.
I’m a lady. I promise I won’t oogle your junk when we go skinny dipping.
Grandma said I got a good handjob. I think she meant manicure.
Randomize
