For what it's worth, your chances of anal go up the more she loves you. There's always a silver lining.
I'm officially my mother.. Smoking in the garage pretending to take the dog out in a big ugly jacket
I'm in my boyfriends bathroom and I shit so bad, there was no toilet paper but his mom's clothes were on the floor and I wiped my butt on her underwear... now it looks like she sharted
You stayed up for three hours wasted, feeding my rabbit 2 1/2 boxes of girl scout cookies.
I just masterbated while imagining him getting hit by a truck. I have hit a completely unacceptable level of anger & bitterness. Help.
Please do NOT set off the smoke alarm when I am tied to the bed like this...
All I can think about is getting a lawsuit and chocolate
what's not responsible about a pool full of beer?
You said you wanted to start a restaurant called 'Barbecue' where everything is barbecued. You sounded really proud of your concept.
I wish I could remember her name, I mean we fucked and all, but it woulda been nice to tag her in the instagram pics.
I just got home and someone ate all my chicken nuggets. Bitches be asking for a death sentence?
The last time I saw you, you were giving the stripper a lap dance.
You know the bunny onesie you sent me? Happy Halloween, I just did the hop of shame.
Found your bra
Where?
Hanging in the tree
Foreign objects found in purse this morning include: chocolate covered pretzels, pepper spray, and farm animal shaped key chains (you know the ones you squeeze and fake poop comes out, yea those)
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