how do u look a man in the eye when u own both his daughters V-Cards?
Apparently he ran around last night saying he was 'the hulk hogan of muff diving'
We really need to check into harvesting part of our liver now
we agreed that it was acceptable to get the cat high as long as we gave her a lot of food.
I rang in the new year by giving a lap dance to a Lutheran minister in a roomful of people including his wife. Jesus would be proud.
i formally give you permission to eat me when i pass out
She tried to sing jingle balls while blowing me
Btw...refried beans is a terrible thing to throw up.
He ate me out while I finished season 1 of Stranger Things. If that's not a modern day relationship goal, then I don't know what is.
I'm really interested in the size of his penis so report back on that one
Just googled myself and a bunch of boob shots of me came up. Apparently my phone automatically uploaded them to my google plus.
Please google me ASAP and ensure I corrected this...
Is it in poor taste to drop acid before midnight mass?
I love this.
Dude, fuck these noisy kids, fuck all this light, and fuck you for getting to sleep while I have to be productive and hungover.
Look at us. Planning our business meeting. Including snacks like shrooms & trail mix.
Right now I'm laying face down on my carpet in my living room in the darkness sending work emails from my phone.
It's a glamorous life.
Randomize
