I wish my grandma would stop using the phrase "he pulled out" when she's talking about her contractor quitting his job.
i swear to god her finding her clit was like looking for a sock in a dryer full of beach towels
Ever got a vibrator stuck in ur hair? Is worse that getting ur hairbrush stuck.
...well that sucks.
dude...I wrote 15 jersey shore quotes on her body. she is going to do the walk of shame with snookie on her forehead.
New game: Step 1) Turn on ESPN. Step 2) Drink every time someone says "LeBron."
you closed your eyes and pointed to a cupboard..there was vodka on the top shelf. your sixth sense is amazing. plus, we convinced the foreign kid you're a booze whisperer
Halloween is the only night where I would ever end up getting a guy's makeup all over my face
I asked him why he was eating an entire can of refried beans, the only answer I got was "revenge"
she is like a cock bee. instead of going from flower to flower she goes from cock to cock
We met up and made out in front of an empanada spot, if that's not romance then idk what is.
FYI the blow job was for papa johns pizza
I regret 8000% nothing
Have you forgotten that this whole sexy cop role play started with a comment about my mom?
I wonder if the sex shop has any Black Friday deals.
I'll be naked. By 11. Then arrested. Drunk tank adventures
I've decided it's okay if I take a pregnancy test every month. Then I can be like, "Good job, self, way to not procreate this month!"
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