I think I died a long time ago.
my 3 year old cousin just woke up screaming "IT WON'T GO DOWN!'
i wish i could just chop off my fat with a knife..i would rather endure that than work out
how convenient is it that the kid i'm fucking lives right next to planned parenthood?
I have no idea. I woke up naked on someones toilet locked in the bathroom with two baby kittens.
He tried to eat me out in the bath... I said it was a bad idea, but he said it was good snorkelling practice for vaca.
Drinking with a woman who gave an anti-drugs speech at my high school. Somehow, not surprised.
Okay, quick math test. If our entire group can do at least 6 shots a night, how much alcohol will be needed to keep us shit faced for the rest of the week? This is for a grade. Anddd, go.
I just made out with Ricky Ullman of Phil of the Future fame and I don't know what I'm doing anymore. Help.
All i remember is you yelling at a stop sign and the rest is a blur
hope your day is as exciting as mine- one of our trauma patients just stole an ambulance out of our bay... WITH AN EMT STILL IN IT.
You got kicked out after 30 minutes, 3 beers and 2 shots. Group record. Also you kept rubbing his belly and calling him buddha.
I would use the term shit faced but I'm too polite for that
If sending nudes to tinder boy is considered functional then yes.
Straight up just cock blocked my dad. Also this apple sauce is good.
Randomize
