Anything crazier than usual happen? I woke up in a stairway with my cock out.
he asked me to smell his eyeballs.
I hope, cuz I was gunna get "celebritory drunk" but now I have to get "I'm disappointed drunk"
It's nice to see a girl prepared for the walk of shame. She brought headphones
If she wants to think that freshman 15 means sleeping with 15 guys than so be it I just gotta make sure I'm one of them.
That's the first time I've ever heard something that tickled both my gag reflex and my penis simultaneously.
I think we need to teach you what straight means again
I was doing drugs in the men's room so my employee went in to the woman's for the same reason but left proof and got caught. Had to fire him cuz I bogarted his dope spot. Awesome.
How do you respond to a booty call from yesterday?
It's gonna be ok. As we grow older we sometimes lose sight of what's important to us. Like safe sex. And standards.
Like I cant decide if he's like autistic or something or just seriously cock blocks himself on purpose with this shit
WHAT HAS MY LIFE COME TO I'M MAKING A SCARF FOR A PENIS
My diet has been 80% Fun Dip this week, soooo, no. Not good.
There needs to be a greeting card for "I miss having sex and smoking weed with you."
How do you confess that you've had phone sex with your fiancé's brother's ex-girlfriend's new guy she's dating who has also slept with your best friend?
Randomize
