You were parading around the bar chugging girls drinks and then asking them if you could buy them a drink. It was actually genius
we went back to her place to bone only to find her boyfriend having sex.. with MY girlfriend
Omg. There's def a kid, like 10 years old, sitting in a buggy at wal mart holding a sign that reads "I can't behave"
it was just fiscally responsible to stop going to strip clubs where the strippers recognized me
The fact that when I blacked in you were sober enough to kick me out of your roommates bed makes me question our friendship.
You always have that cute deer in the headlights look. Thats what made showing you my penis for the first time so disconcerting.
i vomited out of my nose in three different houses so far, i will be back for my boots tomorrow
She left a blanket, pillow, a glass of water, and two advils in the bathroom for me. It's like she knew. Best room mate ever.
He's the first man I've met that knows more about Harry Potter than I do. He shops at Goodwill and has a Game of Thrones cookbook in his apartment. This is my soulmate.
My mom is currently drinking alone in our kitchen singing the Dixie Chicks to herself so, hey, alcohol is forever and we should not be shamed for its use.
I gave the bike taxi guy a blowjob because I didn't have any cash. College.
So yeah, turns out I enjoy vaguely public group sex. Who knew?
I find him attractive in the absolute weirdest way. Like I need him to do my taxes, but I also feel like I should spill things on him to gain his attention and then lick it off to gain his affection.
That time of your life is like a blur to me. There was churches, car fucking, and conservatives
It's done, I'm done, goodbye veneer of class and dignity it was nice knowing you
Randomize
