Dude. I just woke up without a shirt or bra on. Apparently I fell asleep with a quesadilla in my mouth. I can feel my liver hating me.
I can't believe believe she called me a slut. She doesn't know anything about me or my life.
Shit, that's something a lot of sluts say.
Thank you for leaving pool of vagina on my girlfriends carpet.
then you asked me to turn your jeans into "jorts" just long enough to cover your ballsack
i couldnt tell she was wearing a bumpit until she started giving me head
He walked in AS I was cumming. Now even my father knows I'm a squirter.
He taught me how to drive a stick by using his dick. He even made the whurrrr noise so I knew when to change gears.
Rick Santorum just suspended his campaign. Lets celebrate by watching gay pornography together.
Just remember my house smells of thick cut bacon and I have a big dick.
All I'm saying is the next time I see him naked, there better be something in it for me that doesn't end in bailing him out of jail.
I suppose what I've learned from this experience is that sometimes you just have to make out with a narcissistic baby daddy to make a clean getaway.
Well, I turned down sex again. This is guy #5 in the past 2 weeks. My vagina is going to seek emancipation.
I deserve a medal for being woke up at 6am on my day off by your mother asking where your brother is
It’s a hundred kinds of wrong to do Jell-O shots at home alone. Right?
I support drinking alone. But Jell-O shots. That’s a game changer.
I'm just really glad SD weather is so erratic so I can get away with wearing a scarf in May to cover up these hickeys.
Randomize
