All drunkenness aside, confirm u are alive
found an empty one..2nd door on the right...i'm already naked.
I'd appreciated it if you didn't lick my boyfriends face again. I'm askin nicely. Thank you.
I woke up to a bag of pies and a lot of questions
well in DOG beers, i've only had one
just watched my roommates get stoned and jury rig a pulley system to pass the bowl back and forth across the room.
What's a quick way to get over an ex-boyfriend? To hear about how he threw up in a cup and then drank it. That's how.
You can't start the super bowl without starting a kitchen fire making cole slaw. Its unamerican.
I don't even want to know
Might as well permanently tattoo lush somewhere on my body and show it to people when I decide to drink so they won't serve me.
So I feel like I should have had a going away party for your dick. Complete with balloons and cake. Yeahh that's right. I'm gonna miss it.
I HAVE 5 FELTING NEEDLES AND THEYRE GOING DIRECTLY INTO YOUR EYES IF YOU POST THAT SHIT
You can't leave me alone in times of distress because I will fuck things 🙈😐
Thought for a game. Duck, Duck, Grey Goose. If you're tapped, you take a shot. Then proceed as normal.
how do you tell someone, in the most complimentary way possible, that they would make an excellent stripper?
oh man there are to hot chicks wrestling in a pool of maple syrup. ill send you a picture
this is why i will never break up with you
Randomize
