i just went dwnstairs and there are 5 guys without their shirts on hugging each other. i think i should leave now
Pretty sure somebody just said 'I used to have a nipple'
that's awkward
so they are in my phone as twin 1 and twin 2. but i forget which is which. did i put them in order of who I hooked up with first, or who is sexier? cause i'm not trying to text the one with the girlfriend
1st off, theyre identical. 2ndly, have i ever told you that youre a huge slut? hope that helps
if every girl in minneapolis isn't pregnant when i get back to the cities i will cry
Exactly how many bongs can i have before my parents figure out they really aren't vases
I woke up because I was nodding to the dream question of "would you like a sombrero?"
There is a slip-n-slide in the hallway and a girl just did it topless cuz I told her it was my birthday. Where are you?
my sober ride is dancing w/ a fat girl. i might be awhile
I haven't been motivated enough for a shirt. And only half the day was bra-worthy.
Status: mom bitching about grandma not shutting the fuck up, while not shutting the fuck up. Dear Jesus give me strength or more bourbon.
Imma do four shots of whisky within two minutes and pass out. Otherwise this'll go badly.
Sigh. I haven't seen a dick since August 22nd. And in case you forgot, it's January.
I just sucked dick on a ferry
What did we do lastnight that resulted in a $1,896 charge on my credit card with a $2,000 limit
But unlike the human Walter the plant Walter will someday grow to satisfy my needs
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