Just found my girlfriend's stash of animated Japanese porn
And to think, I actually considered breaking up with her
he thinks the dog can do a keg stand. i will let you know how it turns out
my coworker just texted me asking if i remember pissing in the mop bucket at the gas station
When i'm home next we need to get baked and go to waffle house. I want to see if the waitress can still guess my intoxication level and what i'm about to order before i even make it to the table.
Dude walks in wearing jean shorts and a graphic tshirt and goes home with an attractive female. EXPLAIN YOURSELF UNIVERSE.
Why do you have an empty bottle of port in your bathroom bin?
Hahaha idk what's worse your life or my hangover.
new district manager is here. you need to come in early
5th mimosa says otherwise
You are the jesus of drinking
god dammit I AM NO LONGER PUTTING UP WITH YOUR HETEROSEXUALITY I QUIT
Your first mistake was thinking that you could get through the day without drinking a single bottle of alcohol. Your second mistake was wearing shark boxers.
quickly learned not to sleep with your roommate and work colleague in the same week
she broke a 50 dollar bottle of alcohol. then passed out in front of her car and got sprayed by a skunk
I had to dust off the condom box before she came over..
You were so drunk last night that you fell thru the bathroom door at the bar, ripping it off the hinges in the process. But, your birthday tiara stayed on thru the whole thing. I'd call it a succcessful evening. Happy birthday kiddo!
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