I just stepped on my own foot and apologized to my shoe... THAT high.
Dude. No way. She insults the term butterface. She's a butternothing.
She ended up puking in the bathroom. But she's a good drunk... i told her to stay in there so i could dance til the club closed. She was still in the stall an hour later.
Why would you fall asleep? This is why i cant drink with my lesbian friends anymore. They take my clothes off and get vodka in my top ramen. Only yoouuu can prevent forest fires.
I met a bunch of Germans and said in german "this is for the fatherland" and poured a beer on my head
I owe you cheese. The drunk munchies don't acknowledge food ownership.
Sobered up midsex and just went with it. After he tried cuddling and I awkwardly rolled out of the bed to find someone on the floor, apparently it was his room so he got to listen.
I have feelings that need drinking.
Three of my exes and one of my exes' brothers have hit me up and it's only been a week. I hate semester break.
I don't know where I'm at. But I'm pretty sure what I'm looking at is a small bear.
This time tomorrow I will be drunk and in a voodoo shop
he's like crack. I can't be in the same room with him while drunk and not do him.
Oh my god, my vagina is cursed. He's cursed my vagina so that no one but him can maintain a boner around me. I'm sure of it.
I'm at home 4 xanax deep watching She's all that.. no I don't want to go out. The couch is eating me.
I may have passed out and puked all over the host's favorite couch, but three hours and a rip later, I was eating tiramisu in the bathtub with the birthday boy and a hot Italian.
Randomize