all I know is if I don't watch spice world right now there will be a firefight.
It must be a full moon weekend. All of my weird booty calls are coming out of the woodwork. I spent 40 minutes on the phone last night telling one why he is so creepy.
apparently drunk me likes to play hide the puke.. was not a fun time washing all my legos.
The bartender said he wanted to turn you gay, and we got free shots the rest of the night
You didn't even properly utilize my pigtails.
he fell asleep like an hour after we got to the beach, he deserved that penis shaped sunburn.
My tights ended up on the driveway folded neatly. Any ideas how that happened?
just reached the point where my breast implants paid from themselves in free drinks.
Waking up early to fuck the hot DILF the day before Father's Day because I'm respectable like that
At this point in job hunting, I'm willing to become a leather daddy if it means some sort of income.
I used my mad pharmacist skills to turn ordinary birth control into morning after. I think my professors would be proud.
Also fuck yeah conspiracy
Had a dream last night that we survived the apocalypse. And we celebrated Christmas.
What did I get you?
A 12 gauge and a bottle of vodka that was waist high.
Sounds about right
So I remember having an orgasm, but I didn't wake up next to anyone. Your dog is afraid of me. Is this a sick joke?
Its nights like last night that make me want to high five my liver.
Randomize
