Dude i just saw JT leaving the hospital. He drove there to get fluids because he was too drunk, so they hooked him up to an IV so he didn't get alcohol poisoning. Did I mention he drove there? Oh yea and our roommates in the hospital with alcohol poisoning, she just puked up coal. So many ppl are here, it's like a hospital party, I love spring quarter!
quit re-tweeting John McCain's tweets
well it doesn't count as a walk of shame if he drops you off at your class in his golf cart
Am I undercharging for one hour of sex per essay? I need a serious business answer.
I wish you could see how much hot sauce and broken glass are in our apartment right now.
tonight were gonna drink champagne and watch girls put themselves in awkward position
The trash can in my living room is full of Popsicle sticks and my vibrator has taken up permanent residence on my coffee table. I'm not doing anything productive. Clearly.
Fuck off I wasn't that drunk. I was still able to toss froot loops in the air and catch them in my mouth.
And in your bra. It was quite entertaining.
Right now, I'm sitting in my room, drinking beer, eating double stuff Oreos, taking bites straight from a block of cheese, and watching Anchor Man 2 trailers. Finals week at its finest
He called my vagina "the man cave", and I found it charming
I think you should do the fixer upper relationship. Like lawyers do pro bono work with underserved populations, you can do pro bono relationship work.
Kelly and I just had sex, and you didn't call or text to interrupt, are you alive? We are both concerned.
I know they deliver ice cream, but do you think I can ask the delivery guy to watch the rest of the movie with me too?
Seriously where are the good guys?
The friend zone.
How do I say “I have great tits” without it sounding awful
Randomize
