we managed to turn Dream Phone into a drinking game. don't hate.
i guess when we were done i grunted "unforgiveable" and walked out.
Then he complimented me on how excellent I was at breathing through my nose
Listen man this isn't about soccer. It's about America and day drinking... Your two favorite things now get your ass over here
The kid in the park, who was on a leash I might add, looked at us and yelled "stranger danger" before hiding behind his dad
Ok... I'm a little jealous... Grab her pig tails and ride her like a jet ski. Making motor noises is optional.
Oh we will ALWAYS be together. Or I'll have to delete my Facebook altogether. I've drunkenly boobie trapped photos of us into every album. There's no way I'd ever have the patience to go through that deletion process.
The amount of alcohol I'm going to consume on my birthday is directly proportional to the amount of shit I've had to put up with this past year. Which is a lot.
I love you. Happy valentines. Satin Patricks dayyyyyyyyyy. Alreadythrew up. Geeeeerait.
Fun fact: I don't want to be an actual functioning adult because why
Using a joint as a bookmark. What is my life?
pretty sure 5 days for a bachelor party in Vegas is too long when even the stripper giving me a lapdance says "wow that's a long time!"
We fucked through the entire Destiny's Child album, it was a beautiful thing.
You must have my penis confused with someone else's...which is disappointing
You know it’s going to be a rough day when you scream “Get fucked” at your alarm clock
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