Luol and I just scored with two 40 year old married chicks. They dropped us off on the way to soccer prctic. The kids in the back were confused. Call me.
I only get commercials for vodka and Rogaine now. You're exactly right, Hulu. That's exactly right.
I knocked myself out momentarily last night when I fell and hit my head off of my jewelry box while trying to take his pants off... while he was passed out.
Was it high me or sober me who put those Jolly Rancher sticks in the freezer? I'd be soooo impressed if it was high me.
E drugging s springing. Ease dnt Kate. To t e. ess e I meant thou.
I thought it went well, but he just sent me a video of me sucking an icicle on the fire escape of his building with the caption "The ice got more than I did." Somehow I feel like I owe him a blowjob.
Out of all the people in the house to show their tits at mcdonalds to try and get free food, they picked those two?
Please tell me how I go from a guy with a coke problem to a cop. My own life doesn't even make sense to me anymore
TGIFridays...stall number 1...drunk...send help
Getting free blow from a total stranger, who asked permission to stroke my eyebrows, was the highlight of my evening out. Also, I have a new cuddle dealer.
I just opened a pickle jar stoned as fuck. I clapped for myself. I feel like wonder woman.
I'm high on the exercise bike at the gym. I feel like Lance Armstrong
Is it uncouth to masturbate the night before a gyno appointment?
He kept saying "i'm lost" while he was sitting on his couch...
Yeah, we got drunk and stole road signs.
Randomize
