U r making out with a 12 year old get ur shit together
she was left over bi-product, like the hotdog of the human race
Besides Rainforest Cafe, there's nowhere i'd rather be intoxicated than here
Is it socially acceptable to order two burrito bowls?
anything's socially acceptable if you do it with enough confidence
so we have officially lost him as of 7 hours ago.. already called campus security, the drunk tank and the hospital. figure he'll turn up eventually..
i'll start checking the bushes on campus.
im swimming of confusion and bacardi. where do i go from herrrrrre
I just feel like I should give it a rest. I'm too old to be drinking bottles of grey goose and falling into koi ponds.
can you please explain how one drink turns into 5 street signs with their poles lying around my room
If she has AMC, I may have to fuck her today. I want to catch up on the walking dead.
Remember that time you gave me a fat lip with your vag? We should do that again!
It was a great idea until we got stuck in a ditch. We had to call redneck cousin 1
It's like my uterus needs a hug... and anti depressants
My only contacts are booty calls or the club hockey team.
Are you saying I'm your favorite hot mess?
I'm actually my favorite my hot mess, but you're a close second.
There is a woman in the stall next to me giving a pep talk to her daughter that wants to call off her wedding. I'm afraid to pee!
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