Call meee
Ok, but just to warn you, I'm as drunk as a Kennedy right now...
you were carrying around a glass of vodka telling everyone it was Russian water
frozen peaches as icecubes. vodka Sundays just got wayyyy better
he told me he had a problem with me going both ways. like what the fuck. what guy says that to a girl? goodbye planned threesomes...
Where'd you guys get the alcohol from?
Oh. Some homeless guy we picked up from I-70. He bought us $400 worth of alcohol in exchange for a shower.
...... wtf.
wanna go with us to feed the ducks bread soaked in vodka?
how could i say no?
I am moving slowly w him. I havent even masturbated to him yet.
I'm so eating pot-chocolate cookies while preggers. This kid will be so amazing.
I stole something. Which direction out are you guys gonna go
Carson when you get home I want you to go downstairs and go into each bedroom and pick up the underwear and either throw it out or give it back to the people who own them. Look all over the room. Thank, Love Mom
I woke up in Brittany's thong, Tony's shirt, and an oven mitt
Ehhh, contemplating pain killers and fruit snacks if that's any indication.
Six words: 3rd Degree Burn On My Dick
How awkward is it to have the guy you used to sleep with congratulate you on your engagement? I'll tell you. Very.
I sent my brother over to my ex's to get the rest of my stuff. He comes back SEVEN HOURS LATER, high as fuck without my shit! No loyalty.
Randomize
