It's Friday. Sex?
i just found a cheeto on my floor and ate it. i might still be drunk.
The doctor put me on 3000 mg of amoxicillin a day. Which, for a sinus infection, seems pretty excessive to me.
Maybe he was just trying to knock out any potential ghonorrhea you might be carrying around.
Ah, my reputation precedes me.
yup, got lost on my way to the final. maybe i should have gone to this class all semester
EW EW EW EW THAT PENIS BELONGS TO SOMEONE'S FATHER! THAT PENIS BELONGS TO OUR FRIEND'S FATHER! THAT PENIS HELPED CREATE OUR FRIEND! YOU'RE NOT ALLOWED TO ADMIRE IT!
I also referred to her clitorous as her "vagina dot" last night...probably going to be dumped soon.
After he came all he could say was how great the lighting fixtures where in my apartment.
In two unrelated events today I have had frostbite on my toe and cum up my nose. Who says life stops when you get married?
the liver wants what the liver wants
I vaguely remember us chasing shots by licking each other's faces last night. Our friendship has reached another level completely.
Probably won't be invited back there again considering last time his purebred corgi ate my pot brownie and had to be rushed to the hospital.
True friendship: When you can hold your best friend's hair and still eat your Stromboli at the same time.
I know it's just really hard to give up sex and cigs during a blizzard
I'M SO HIGH I FORGOT HOW TO EAT A STRAWBERRY. A FUCKING STRAWBERRY.
How do you explain to your parents that you can't go to the library because you got banned for being drunk in there... on a Sunday afternoon?
That's $100,000 of quality education right there.
Randomize