stranger just walked up to the fridge at the party, took the hawaiin punch out, drank it straight from the bottle, looked at everyone who stared in awe and said "im fucking thirsty" and put it back.
On a scale of "impaired judgement" to "Mel Gibson," how drunk are you?
Toaster
How can it be called memorial day weekend....I don't even remember this weekend
it's official, after last weekend my girl number is higher than my guy number. fix this.
i remember you telling me to take a shower, brush my teeth, go get back in bed w her, and "just do what i was born to do." and as soon as i stopped yacking i did just that. you saved my birthday.
Woke up naked on my floor covered in cookies. We should celebrate fake hurricanes every weekend.
It's a system.. i get to hook up with them and you get to play words with friends with them afterwards.
I've been trying to brush my teeth for 20 mins now... Mother of hangovers.
I NEED YOU HERE TO KNOCK THE MALT BEVERAGES OUT OF MY MOUTH
Just saw a woman in bootie shorts and a winter coat at the library. God. Bless. Prostitutes.
Ugh contemplating vodka and chocolate protein powder as this Capri sun and vodka isn't really cutting it
"This is Emily. She likes potatoes. And sometimes laughs and cries at the same time, and has a wonderful butt"
when I called the strip club they said there was a note with my credit card. "girl who punched guy in throat" fuck daytona
I woke up in an ill fitting childs tutu this morning and the shower curtain is knocked down. Wtf happened?
thanks for the bj man. also make sure you close the gate behind you. the chickens are out.
Randomize
