how was that guy you hooked up with?
i used to think blowing a .05 was a good thing
I need to buy a mesh tank top to fit in in Florida. Where do they even sell that shit?
you threw your tampon into someones open car window...while they were driving.
Im rethinking drunk tuesdays. Also rethinking ovaries.
She called it mighty mouse.. And from there it was down hill
I learned the names of so many hookups when they read them at graduation
I'm home and safer than post-menopausal sex; you're welcome for the image. And yes, I did just use a semi-colon hammered.
she reminds me of the first time i discovered masturbation. that's how you know it's true love.
Walk of Shame'd halfway down a mountain, skiiers passing. Do not drink with lifties at the end of ski season.
This is God's way of telling me He loves me and wants me to be a cocktease.
Go forth my daughter and give blue balls to all who may gaze upon your tits.
I decided tomorrow is going to be great day wether my period likes it or not
FYI...Jose likes Shamrock shakes better than Jack
We are stranded. Come find us. Bring an egg
Hey, I'm probably about to be arrested but I didn't want to wake you. But it would be cool of you to get the $500.00 I have in the box I keep my "medicine" in and come bail me out. Also I figured you would be amused at the thought of me fending off brutal prison rape tonight.
I swear she is the Mary Poppins of drugs
Randomize
