i hate that you can chart my weight gain through my facebook pictures.
No no I got the black eyes when I tried to do a flip off the second deck of a pontoon boat. Actually when I did a flip, it was a success.
I'm mentally preparing my vagina for this semester. It's fucking welcome week. I'm going to be talking to her all night.
U took a sewing needle to his nipple
Psshh,
I feel bad for the cleaning lady. All you can smell is latex and Jaegermeister
Found out it was only pneumonia. We celebrated hydrocodone cough syrup. Two long island ice teas at lunch and the random white powder we found in her purse. Mother of the year award.
It's like wanting to be a vampire vs being a vampire. You don't know the cock lust until it's infected you.
I am just saying if Clark Kent walks into your life, you fuck him
Also, lets remember that we have known each other for nearly a decade and our two most recent photos to one another are boxes of plan b
Dear God, please let me get my period. And if this one is fiercer than usual I completely understand.
True fear is being unable to remember where you hid your weed and vibrator in your parent's house.
Thank you for coming with me today. I find it appropriate that we celebrated my negative pregnancy test with slurpees and donuts.
the guy had "bad bitches only" tattooed above his penis...
His mom just pulled off a quadruple cockblock. I'm not sure if I'm mad or impressed?
Eh, it could have been worse. I may or may not have been wearing a jedi cloak while getting my dick sucked.
Randomize
