she told me her fantasy was her as a 55 year old cook at a truck stop who smokes a pack a day, and I was the 21 year old illegal immigarnt prep cook.
dude so we were eating nacho cheese popcorn and chasing it with cole slaw
by the way nacho cheese popcorn is me making popcorn and then adding milk butter and mac n cheese mix
I need to get the stench of sex and broken dreams out of my room
Saying we were separated at birth, got on a ship and sailed here via onion barrel from Somalia didn't help our case at all....
The first clue should've been that he literally had shit in his hair. How does that even happen?
Also yeah I would definitely have to say that one of my favorite things to do is to get high and pet cats.
Guess who used an inflatable mattress to boat across a retention pond with brooms for oars and a radio and beer.
So tomorrow I have my performance review with my boss who I banged. When I go in should I ask if this review will be rating my sex or work performance?
When I wake up, please remind me why my shoe is in the toilet, my shower is filled with jello, and there is a naked girl sleeping on my coffee table holding a bag of Cheetos. that is all.
It bothers me when I see my old fuck buddies starting families on Facebook.
It has now been 10 days since we last saw Sebastians penis
he pulled my tampon string out with his teeth like a grenade pin yelling frag out! That's why I fuck guys back from deployment. They'll go the distance
What the hell happened to the sandwich meat I just bought?
After you smoked, you made 8 ham sandwiches.
Guess that explains the mysterious disappearance of the bread...
i really love you but i feel kinda dumb about it
Ran into my FWB on my walk of shame and went back to her place. Even my walk of shames are awesome!!!
Randomize
