I think my grandma died before she was convinced I was straight
i just pissed myself at work. maybe they'll buy the old coffee spill trick
I just woke up in bed with 4 girls. Either i dont remember the best night of my life or they think im gay.
do u think i could put an abortion on my debit card?
Married on the beach in PCB while blackout drunk. Bonged beers on the sandbar for a bachelor party. They shotgunned beers at the end of the vows. How is spring break allowed to happen?
just leaving uw hospital. they thought i had franzia-induced appendicitis. whaaaaat
Careful when you walk in I'm laying by the door.
if that's jizz on my steering wheel i'm gonna be pissed...and impressed.
the room spins SO much faster in panama
So our 'date' consisted of getting drunk off champagne at four and photo-bombing the shit out of tourist's pictures all over the city. Thoughts?
My exam ends at 4pm so I plan to be passed out in the bar by 5pm. Want to join me?
So I just got drugs from a house with a giant cross on it. Thank you, Jesus.
I'm only bisexual one week out of the month. Nothing like ovulation hormones to make the genders of my hookups seem completely irrelevant.
I know where his drugs are but not my pants
Complete and utter failure. 100% unsalvageable. I have not failed so hard at a culinary endeavor in YEARS. MY HONOR IS IMPUGNED I HAVE SHAMED MY HOUSE
Randomize
