Dude I'm telling you, conditioner is the best for jerking it in the shower. It feels great and afterwards everything is all smooth
A donut and a mojito for breakfast...Helloooooo Derby Wekkend!
I'm officially "accidentally set myself on fire" drunk
I'm not sure, but I think she had a tampon in when we fucked
the man who designed bathrooms to have toilets within easy puking distance from the shower is my hero
No flamethrowers. That is a direct order.
She trust falled out of a window. It was like that scene from A Little Princess but with a lot more blood.
The chick who threw the party was all pissed cause she thought I made out with her boyfriend. Admittedly, I did, but she was throwing up and crying at the time so she really can't be that mad.
pretend your vagina is a choco taco and the guy is someone who really loves choco tacos. let him enjoy the choco taco.
somehow attending a funeral viewing turned into me snorting cocaine in the bathroom and drawing ninja turtles for children
Last night turned out to be an expensive trip to your house between the ticket and the plan b. (Well I haven't gotten that yet)
Trust me, I'm a professional lesbian.
Do you remember coming over and asking for toast and then singing that yeah toast song very loudly while you were dropping my bread all over my kitchen?
My ex's girlfriend just invited me clubbing. Guess who won the breakup?
He is 6'5, went to a Christian school and he's a violinist....I'm going to fuck the jesus right out of him.
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