First guy to fuck a girl in the new tool shed. Her underwear is on the shovel hook.
I just put my retainer in and it tastes like weed
I was mid-pee and he walked in, claimed he was looking for his phone, and then asked if we could hook up since we were finally alone.
so yall hooked up?
he rolled over in his sleep, called me a hoe and then grabbed my crotch. some things never change, asleep or not.
making an indian outfit so we can be pochohantas and john smith and fuck in the canoe on the night float
They knew I had a party because the refrigerator settings were different, but they don't notice that we installed a new toilet seat so it's okay.
Did you fuck him in my garden last night?
That WOULD explain the dirt in my vagina
That would make regret #10
He was more like the original regret
when I woke up, he was drunk and singing "soft kitty" and petting my face
I don't know if you've ever seen a group of 20 year olds reenact a rectal prolapse, but 'majestic' isn't really the word I'd use...
You grabbed my arm, said "I need you" in a very concerned voice and dragged me to the other room where you were blasting Evolution of Beyoncé.
I told her my hands felt like they touched the sun, never been that stoned before
Our first time hooking up was on New Years and we've managed to hook up every holiday since, I'm hoping this lasts until 2016 just to fulfill my American Holiday sex fantasy I never knew I had
I accidentally brought up how there used to be a big tree in his yard, which I could only have known if I had been Google mapping his house.
yeah the cops just showed up and they got there ass handed to them at beer pong.
Randomize
