and pubic hair rears its ugly head again
im so hungover...we just watched The Perfect Storm and i got seasick
Ketchup is God's man juice
We need to buy some popsicles so we can remind ourselves we're good at this.
"Don't get as drunk as I was on my birthday" has been upgraded from a goal for Friday night to a goal for my life in general.
you took my bottle from me saying i was unprepared for its magical qualities. then you buckled it in the backseat.
Wackin it to the USA womens soccer team. My own personal way of saying job well done.
whoa! who said he's my boyfriend?
Oops. Sorry. That guy you keep accidentally running into in public. And at home. And with your vagina.
First you say "it can't get any worse" and the next thing you know you've shat yourself on Christmas Eve.
He wants to buy me a drink to apologize for sending me a pic of his dick. Welcome to my life.
When did it become normal to wake up in the middle of the night to take a group bathroom break and have a 10 minute discussion on where the next football game is?
Hey! you should come over!
Who is this? The number is saved as "Sexy Awesome"
I can't wait to see you & have espresso-fueled sex
there is puke in my bra ... again
Dude I just woke up naked on the floor with my dick in a boot. Legit in a fucking boot. I also have no idea where I am.
Randomize