ok i said sorry. what else do you want?
100 blowjobs
this morning i woke up with my panties on and i knew where i was. success.
im covered in puffy paint and glitter i cant find kevin and im wearing shoes that dont belong to me....come get me please
well i just had my first "when i graduated college she was 12" morning
Hi Jessica this is Jessica and I am texting you and were taking lime shots and it's fantastic and I broke your elbow and I love you xo
Idk. Last year there was an ice luge, glow in the dark jungle juice, and lots of naked people. I feel like I'll get pregnant just thinking about going to that party.
sooo I am sorta kinda using your name as my stripper stage name.
Off topic, but is it sad that Matthew and I are calculating how much sex we need to have in order to work off a taco bell burrito?
IDK. when she left she was wearing her bra like an eyepatch and offering to shiver the timbers of the dorm patrol.
Just got your message from Saturday. Shove all the kittens down your pants? Really?
I was emotionally compromised.
Next time a random bus filled with santas pulls up to the bar, I'm not getting on it.
Both guys that I'm dating were waiting for me in the parking lot after work. Literally the most awkward situation I have ever been in
But seriously, I love having sex with you and simultaneously know I never wanna date you.
How I know I've been single too long: I'm reveling in finding out my taken friends are being tragically dumped
i had to win in rock paper scissors, get called a fat whore, and make two dudes get in a fight so we could call next game on the table and you make zero cups. thanks asshole.
Randomize
