did you wind up at some random place? and do you remember face planting into the fireplace?
shes about as inviting as chlamydia
You left half a beer on someones car and claimed it was a second day of hanakuh gift
I had sex with her because I didn't want to hurt her feelings.. You're the one who told me I should be more sensitive.
Why wouldn't u just let me ride the washing machine
I'm over this relationship. I'm just going to get drunk all day, wake up in a puddle of my own vomit again, and go on with my life
That is the best grammar in a dirty text ever. Excellent use of the semi-colon. And yes; I am hard.
How long can I keep it classy to hook up in my old office building? Two more years? Does it get weird after 30?
Your niece just basically announced she's a whore on FB so you should feel pretty good about officiating that wedding next month.
Did you catch one of my beer pong balls in your cleavage or was that a dream?
Well my normal tinder strategy of "Will I have sex with her when I'm sober" has been paying off
She wouldn't fuck me because I had a cast, so I took her friend home
It was a fun night. I made out with the door guy at the gay bar but he didn't speak english
There was no door guy at the bar
You got into an extremely loud argument with a juggalo and slapped him, he started crying and everyone cheered.
I remember that, it happened before I started drinking. I thought you said I did something shameful?
Did you happen to find the other half of my bra last night?
Randomize
