Shaq going to Cleveland; Vince Carter to the Magic; Michael Jackson, Farrah Fawcett, and Ed McMahon die.... ARMAGEDDON IS UPON US!!!!!
Before we started fucking, he laid me on the bed, and asked my what my sleep number was, so that i would be "comfy"
I love memorial day. It's drinking in the name of patriotism. God Bless America
I'm not going to fuck him in his Honda Fit. That's gay.
Fyi when u order four mini bottles of scotch on a 45 min flight. The flight attendants jaw drops to the floor.
She kept screaming "best case scenario"
She sprinted out of the bathroom and ran all the way into the middle of the street. Five minutes later she came back with a banana nut muffin. She's that kind of drunk.
I show up hung over with mcdonalds. Why wouldn't he have sex with me? It's a fucking leap year...
I kind of feel like BP. I'm dressed in green and absolutely horrible for the environment.
Also, if you all get arrested i'm coming to laugh at you because i don't have the money for bail.
Also his beard was very delicious looking. I wanted to touch it so bad, but I held back.
Bjs and tacos. That's my life.
I feel like you can't break up with someone on 420. It's against stoner code
Call it slutty but I take pride in being a first round draft pick booty call. And I know I was first cause he texted me at 1030a
I just watched a squirrel take down a snake,life isn't so bad after all.
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