And as you crawled into the bathroom last night you repeatedly said "I know the routine".
I got a handjob to the OC theme song. It was like going back in time 7 years.
He wore a Medeval Times crown while I gave him a BJ
You Were screaming "Im trying to get it in" and "stop cock blocking" while i threw you in the car
ALERT: Turns out when I'm drunk I turn into a clepto. I just found keys, a ketchup bottle, and sweatshirt in my backpack that don't belong to me. If yours, come collect from me. I'm still drunk in the back of biology lecture.
The money is just too good to quit doing it. I'm using the same justification strippers use.
Hey I'm not sure why your jacket's covered in maple syrup but I just realized you didn't leave the house earlier wearing a jacket...
I feel like every time I get the courage to masturbate to a guy from Game of Thrones, they kill him off.
ETSY JUST SENT ME AN EMAIL WITH THE SUBJECT "SUMER ROMANCE" I'M BEYOND FUCKING DONE
lesbians are really intense tho, she made me take her eye makeup off and told me she was going to eat me for breakfast
Sometimes at I wake up from a dead sleep at 1am and call the bar just to hear the clink of the glasses and the pouring of the beer on tap in the backround
I gave her two orgasms and then we laid there and she ate jelly beans out of my belly button...that girls a keeper
She caught me by google maps... Lets just say it wasnt her car in front of the house.
Well it might’ve been because you asked to play What Makes You Beautiful at the club
she's always on high-alert for lesbians
Randomize
