You put a thong on my pumpkin didn't you.
anyone who says 'i love you' and then followed by 'im going to call the cops if you touch me' doesnt really mean the first part fyi
she gave me a handjob in the middle of the night and my stomach growled so she walked out totally naked and came back 5 minutes later with two sandwiches. who the fuck says getting married is awful?
He said he wanted to see my room, not my womb. It's a common mistake.
I just test ran being their maid. I'm getting 50 bucks a month and they're buying the costume.
You know we had a good night last night when today I opened up my Google Translate application and the language is set to Persian and the phrase to translate is "I want you to suck my dick".
I woke up in Brittany's thong, Tony's shirt, and an oven mitt
When and where the fuck did we get a beach ball??
Don't laugh, but I might need some advice on how to ride a crooked dick.
He must have found my secret supply of blow and took a bump before we left the house. Rude.
He could of at least asked
I have work in an hour and I'm having trouble with concepts such as 'staying upright' and 'staying conscious'. Tie me to your wrist next time we go out drinking,
I've decided to take one for the team and bang the landlady for lower rent.
I have no reason to put on pants anymore. This is my new reality.
Hope you are okay. You were running down the street with shopping cart at one point and yelling "bitches aint shit!"
That wasn't even sex. That was a fuckoning
...did you just create a word for what we did?
Randomize
