The weather is perfect in Seattle right now. Warm enough for girls to not wear bras, but cold enough for me to see them nipping out in the shade.
My sole motivation for showering this morning was to masturbate. Something is wrong here...
How long after st. Patrick's day is it ok to shit green before I should seek medicial attention?
I need to write the inventor of adderall a thank you note stapled to a copy of my degree
No stds, not pregs, and lost two pounds. I'd call that a successful two years of grad school.
Just puked in the monkey exhibit at the zoo. They ate it. I don't want a pet monkey anymore.
The liquor store was handing out free shots of some new expensive vodka, but they caught on the fourth time we came back in different outfits. Politics.
It's stupid hot. I just want to be laying in a bathtub full of margaritas
Im about to get a baby alligator stoned, what are you doing with your life?
I walk in and my roomie is fucking her bf while wearing lingerie and minnie mouse ears. Right in the childhood.
My day went from bad to worse when I realized I puked out my second floor window last night.
My roommate told me he found me naked in the shower puking and when he asked why I was naked I said "you can't wear clothes in a shower"
At least you got some excitement going on, you got weed and might die tonight, I'm just sitting here bored as fuck.
If God is analyzing my life right now extremely proud or dissapointed but either way I took wednesday night drinkin to new levels
what could you have possibly accomplished by watching 6 hours of a mythbusters marathon
well, i added sex in a wind tunnel to my bucket list
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