There are 3 speedbumps now up. Think you can manage the urge to piss on them?
Aw shit! That's like putting me a in a room full of Captiain Crunch Donuts and Jasper Hale and not letting me put my mouth on either.
hey as creepy as this sounds i still have your eyelashes on my desk
I puked in the coffee maker. I wouldn't make coffee tomorrow morning if I were you
pouring popcorn down my shirt before we went to the bar was the best idea ever. it was delicious and convenient.
The salesman looked at me like I was crazy when I explained the need for a headboard that had slats so I could handcuff people to it
he told me he was a Boston Bruins fan so I took his hat into the bathroom and peed in it...I've never been a prouder Ranger fan
In other news, someone I've had sex with won jeopardy last night.
He's scared I want a relationship? How does texting him at three am and sleeping with four of my exes symbolize that?
well they never fully had sex so she's like an eskimo step-sister. I'll make a family tree for you.
Someone left me hummas on my door step between the hours of 1am-3am
Waking up in a NH rest stop and reading through my texts is definitely a familiar low
Emojis can't explain what he felt when that ass dropped
I just want to meet a nice normal guy that doesn't want me to taze him while we have sex. . . . .is that too much to ask for?
What? No, wine isn't my weakness, I just love it.
Sober sex is weird like I didn't expect this when I got clean
Randomize
