Watching Miami Social reminded me of how much I miss snorting coke with burger king straws in a life guard hut on the beach until we noticed someone was drowning.
Did you save them?
Who?
My idea of sleeping together involves doing the Humpty Hump. Her idea of sleeping together focused more on being fully clothed on the opposite sides of a king sized bed.
we just made rock paper scissors into a drinking game
My coke dealer called me at midnight just to ask how to spell a word. Not sure how I should feel about that.
I'll see your cousin, and raise you a sister.
We left at the same time. You got home three hours after I did and said you got your head stuck in a fence. I can't believe you don't remember this.
This conversation has now reached a level of awkward that even a passerby streaking hobo couldn't break.
He's sitting in his room on Facebook with nothing but a pillow covering his crotch. I can't help you at the moment.
my neighbors having band practice on sunday morning is a message from the universe that I should stop drinking
Of course I'll be there. I never miss an opportunity to smell like cigarettes, cheap beer, and shame.
You passed out and I didn't draw a penis on your face. Sister of the year.
Smoked a blunt with my dad then introduced him to cinnabon delights. Today was a good day.
What the hell did you do last night?
I embarrassed myself, my family, name, and possibly my country.
Fuck my life he IS a stripper, Ive been sleeping with a stripper named Phoenix. damnit, I knew the sex was too good
when part of the plan includes getting high, i usually forget how the rest of the plan goes.
Randomize
