I wish they had nachos that got you drunk
please dont tell anyone i was drunk
you were publicly making out with a very old very spandex covered woman...they know
He kept singing "who's that peekin in my window" we thought he was high til we realized someone was lookin in the windows.
She kept telling me to calm down. I was on the floor with my eyes shut, not moving. In levels of calm I was one step above coma patient
You kept trying to use my cat as a napkin.
So doing the math I dated almost 2 of me in penises. Like, if I you layed them out lengthwise it would be 2 times my height.
Riding the train home at 6 am for class still drunk is losing its novelty in my junior year
I know it sounds all cute and shit that I wanted him to be with me last night, but it's not cute. I just wanted to fuck.
Who suggested the eggnog wet t-shirt contest last night like whose idea was that
Speaking
I woke up in your kitchen with my ID in my hand and my nails were painted electric blue. Dude.... never let me have fireball again.
I am pretty great at coffee and mistakes
Teacher vividly described one of the times he did shrooms, sat down, sighed, and told everyone to go do drugs and let us out 15 minutes into class. I love community colleges
Either it didn’t do much damage or I’ve lost all feeling in my asshole
I'm not going to tell you how to live your life, which includes naming your schlong
Of course he’s picking me up at the airport. I taught him the Lotus position last time we had sex.
Randomize
