dude i totally did the walk last night came out of her room to see her dad sitting there straight lookin at me...wtf
i may not always bang 16 year olds but when i do, i prefer hot ones
Tonight must have been good, I have already had two cups of coffee but still couldn't figure out how to operate a door.
We need to start having sex underwater more often.
Thanks for stopping me from doing a one man keg stand by myself clad in only a towel. that probably wouldve ended badly.
I was hitting on her while she was puking ... yeah i was pretty drunk
I feel like after all he sees, the dog needs to get baptized.
I'm now at that point where it just feels natural to do a few shots of whisky with breakfast and then head to work
Fuck you. how could you leave me passed out hangin out my truck window when you knew it was starting to rain?
I never thought your mom would see me throwing up on my hands and knees in your front yard
He never gives up. He's like the fucking little engine that could of hook ups
I made out with a guy who was dressed as Borat
And like a minute in, I was like oh fuck what am I doing
Did you run away?
I DANCED AWAY.
Two of my roommates are waxing their vaginas in the living room. Can I come smoke?
No more bourbon. Sleep now. I may die. Pray for me.
leads to pukin, then cryin, then 24hr masturbatin binge, then cryin again and finally a combination of all 3
Randomize
