just landed in detroit. Currently holding a bag of my own vomit. neighbor told me it was the most graceful vom she has ever seen. Kicking off bar exam week in style.
I'm not ok right now. I just walked in on a 600lb woman passed out on the toilet and she walked out and tried to eat her cell phone. I'm on acid I think.
What drug did you take that made the cabinets scream at you?
I wish all the girls i wanted to sleep with knew how big my dick was then id have a better chance
I realized today that I should stop thinking so much with my vagina instead of my brain.
Please tell me this doesn't mean another "surprise road trip" where I spend all my money on gas and the SURPRISE destination is the abortion clinic.
But what if I pay for the gas?
Im a photoshop master, i successfully reduced the size of the pupils of all the girls I made out last night with to prove they were not that drunk. So glad the camera goes home with me.
I understand Curling. That high.
Just remembered to take my BC at the liquor store. Just swallowed it with a free sample of Whiskey.
Woke to a half burnt 20 in my pocket, covered in mud, clothes all wet, so im assuming I didn't use that 20 you gave me for a taxi
According to FB I fucked in a field 365 days ago.
when we went to bed he asked me to hold his penis so he knew i was there for him
I complimented him on his choice of carpeting while he was humping me.
That's not fair! You can't come over after you just had sex and rub my dry spell in my face!
Officially hit an ultimate low today. I was so hung-over I threw up on the ground in front of the jousting display in the London tower. But on a positive note, Brits are very understanding when you vomit on their history.
I don't know what that means but it's making me want to fuck you.
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